Thoughts

So I was looking through pictures and I came across some old ones of Lorelle.

Now, I know that I blog about her a lot.

Children change your life, there is no doubt about that.

When you are young, you always think about when you will get married, have kids and always in your mind they are perfect.

You never think about the "what if's"

I remember the moment the doctor came over to me after she was born like it was yesterday.

I remember the way he walked towards me, his face and his words.

I will never forget it.

I remember how I felt, my thoughts and the most vivid was the sinking in my heart.

I held her. I cried. James cried.

And we loved her.

It was probably the most bittersweet moment in my life.

Here was this brand new baby, laying in my arms, perfect, straight from God.

But not "perfect"

We were told the cysts would go away on their own so I didn't really concern myself with it.

When I look back now, I realized how much I convinced myself I was ok about the whole thing.

I thought I was fine and it was no big deal but looking back, I was a mess.

James tells me that that was the one time in our marriage where he felt like he didn't know who I was. I was angry, I was sad, I was frustrated, I felt alone.

After 4 months, they were still there. I knew then that she needed me. My other kids needed me. My husband needed me so I decided it was time to do something about them. I went to the doctor to discuss why they weren't going away.

He decided to send her for an MRI so that they could get a better look at it and see where the fluid was coming from.

I don't remember where James was or why he wasn't able to make it but I had my dad come cuz I couldn't go alone. I was still a mess even though I pretended I wasn't.

Just as she went in and I came back from laying her on the table, the MRI tech intern walked in to sit in on the MRI and it turned out to be my best friend from elementary to high school.

Talk about tender mercies. She sat outside and talked with me the whole time. Just what I needed.

Anyway, after finding out what she had and going to the useless specialist in Lethbridge, I knew the Children's Hospital was where we needed to go.

What an amazing place.

They did so much for her and cared for her like she was their only patient.

If only we had adult hospitals like that.

It's amazing she went from this....

(4 months)

to this

(2 years)

to this....

To now this.

What a beautiful, special little girl.

It's been an emotional couple years.

Even though it was and is really hard, the things I learned and will learn are totally worth it.

She's a special spirit, I've been saying it from the beginning.

I think it takes a special spirit to inhabit these earthly bodies that are not "perfect"

and go through the trials that come with it.

I'm grateful that she is healthy. That she is happy.

Now that her cheek is gone, it's amazing to me to look back and see her before. I never noticed it, she was who she was. But now that it is gone.....it was big.

The first picture barely looks like her.

As of right now she is doing awesome.

She was truly blessed and given many miracles in the last 2 1/2 years, especially when she had surgery.

I don't know what the future holds for her and her cheek.

I now have an understanding. A sort of bond to other mothers who go through similar, some harder, trials with their children.

Not that I will totally understand what others moms feel since our trials are different but I feel that my experience was to help me be prepared to help and understand others.

Even though she cries......A LOT,

I really just love her