Thoughts

So I was looking through pictures and I came across some old ones of Lorelle.

Now, I know that I blog about her a lot.

Children change your life, there is no doubt about that.

When you are young, you always think about when you will get married, have kids and always in your mind they are perfect.

You never think about the "what if's"

I remember the moment the doctor came over to me after she was born like it was yesterday.

I remember the way he walked towards me, his face and his words.

I will never forget it.

I remember how I felt, my thoughts and the most vivid was the sinking in my heart.

I held her. I cried. James cried.

And we loved her.

It was probably the most bittersweet moment in my life.

Here was this brand new baby, laying in my arms, perfect, straight from God.

But not "perfect"

We were told the cysts would go away on their own so I didn't really concern myself with it.

When I look back now, I realized how much I convinced myself I was ok about the whole thing.

I thought I was fine and it was no big deal but looking back, I was a mess.

James tells me that that was the one time in our marriage where he felt like he didn't know who I was. I was angry, I was sad, I was frustrated, I felt alone.

After 4 months, they were still there. I knew then that she needed me. My other kids needed me. My husband needed me so I decided it was time to do something about them. I went to the doctor to discuss why they weren't going away.

He decided to send her for an MRI so that they could get a better look at it and see where the fluid was coming from.

I don't remember where James was or why he wasn't able to make it but I had my dad come cuz I couldn't go alone. I was still a mess even though I pretended I wasn't.

Just as she went in and I came back from laying her on the table, the MRI tech intern walked in to sit in on the MRI and it turned out to be my best friend from elementary to high school.

Talk about tender mercies. She sat outside and talked with me the whole time. Just what I needed.

Anyway, after finding out what she had and going to the useless specialist in Lethbridge, I knew the Children's Hospital was where we needed to go.

What an amazing place.

They did so much for her and cared for her like she was their only patient.

If only we had adult hospitals like that.

It's amazing she went from this....

(4 months)

to this

(2 years)

to this....

To now this.

What a beautiful, special little girl.

It's been an emotional couple years.

Even though it was and is really hard, the things I learned and will learn are totally worth it.

She's a special spirit, I've been saying it from the beginning.

I think it takes a special spirit to inhabit these earthly bodies that are not "perfect"

and go through the trials that come with it.

I'm grateful that she is healthy. That she is happy.

Now that her cheek is gone, it's amazing to me to look back and see her before. I never noticed it, she was who she was. But now that it is gone.....it was big.

The first picture barely looks like her.

As of right now she is doing awesome.

She was truly blessed and given many miracles in the last 2 1/2 years, especially when she had surgery.

I don't know what the future holds for her and her cheek.

I now have an understanding. A sort of bond to other mothers who go through similar, some harder, trials with their children.

Not that I will totally understand what others moms feel since our trials are different but I feel that my experience was to help me be prepared to help and understand others.

Even though she cries......A LOT,

I really just love her

My Eyes, My Eyes!!

So this is the color I painted the front entry.

It actually doesn't look that bad in the bottom pictures.

The top picture is the closest to what it looks like but not totally.

It's way more horrid in real life.

It's like someone's really bad spray on tan.

I was gonna give myself a week or so to see if I started to like it.

It's been 2 days and I want to rip my eyes out every time I walk in there.

It's not staying.

It used to be the same color as the hallway if you look through the doorway

in the pic below.

It was a light beige with a pink undertone.

Not much better but I way rather have pink than orange skin.

When the sun sets, it shines right into the front entry and the color is even worse.

I waited to get a picture but of course it is cloudy and raining so too bad.

I need to paint it before I gouge out my eyeballs.

And yes that is Amy eating breakfast on the floor.

Lots

This summer has been so crazy busy.

Always somewhere to go or something to do.

A few weeks ago, we headed to Oregon for my grandpa's 95th

birthday bash/reunion.

It was awesome.

7 days on the beach in a really nice condo,

hanging with my brothers and sisters,

seeing awesome cousins, catching up and spending time at the place I spent my

childhood summers at.

While we were there, my sister took some pics of my kids.

Here's one of each

(Amy's is closer to the bottom)

I love the ocean.

Marin, Mike and Blake and Jared and I went whale watching. We were sitting up front and were getting drenched. Jared wanted to go inside the boat and that was a huge mistake.

The minute we did, I got sick and he got sick.

Needless to say we shared a bucket and lost our breakfast at the same time.

We got to see a whale though which was really cool.

here you can see how wet we are.

Here is a pic of the reunion.

I lost my camera and only got a few.

Then I found it, hidden in the back of the diaper bag while we were driving home.

It rained this day so we took our pics at the church.

The handsome man in the chair is my grandpa.

The lady to my right is his little sister,

my great aunt.

Here's Amy's picture.

She had her first birthday on the 28th and the good mom that I am

didn't take any pictures. I guess thats what happens to the 4th child.

Mady had her 4th birthday on the 25th.

I've decided I don't like this 3 day apart birthday thing.

Anyway, she wanted burgers and french fries and pink cupcakes

so thats what we did.

This is what she wanted for her birthday.

So I took her on a mommy/daughter date and got them done.

She sat on my lap and let them do it.

They did both at the same time.

She jumped when they went in and then cried.

oh and the little princess phone hanging on her pants, she got that too.

Lorelle wants hers pierced too.

She cried when Mady came back.

Thats about it for now. We didn't do much for Amy. I still haven't bought her her present.

It's a little weird and wonderful that she is 1 and I am not pregnant.

It'll be nice to move on to the next stage.

I know I still have a few more years yet but it's nice to get a glimpse.

Bathrooms and a Dishwasher

One day, I was taking a shower.

(yes, one day. I do shower everyday, for the most part)

When I was done, I turned it off only it would not go off all the way. I called James in and after a few minutes, he finally got it to stop.

Then we heard dripping, on carpet, downstairs.

It was dripping water through the ceiling by the stairs.

Great.

After some investigation, we realized we need to gut the bathroom and fix the rotting wood behind and underneath as the shower was leaking behind the wall.

Great.

So we stopped using our ensuite and started using the main bathroom shower.

It has been about a year.

Just as we had the money and were gonna get the bathroom done this spring,

our main bathroom upstairs (that we had been using) started leaking under the sink.

Then a few days later the toilet wouldn't flush but overflowed all over the place, down the heating vent, into the ducts and came out the roof in Jared's room.

Then we found cracked tile and grout around the shower.

With that, we knew water was getting behind there.

So alas, there went our money, to that bathroom first.

This is the ensuite. It still looks like this. :(

Here is the before of the main bathroom. I hated this bathroom. It was old, gross, and no matter how much I cleaned it, it always smelled like pee.

So can I say I was sad to have to rip it to pieces?

no.

was I sad to see the heaps of money disappear?

yes.

In the midst of all the leaking and bathroom ripping and money spending,

our dishwasher started leaking too, really bad.

Why not?

It wanted to join in the fun.

So after 4 of the longest days of my life without a dishwasher,

(seriously, I don't know how people do it. Washing dishes is really annoying)

I made James buy me one. I don't have a before picture.

It was white and looked like a dishwasher.

It gave me an excuse though to get the black appliances that I want.

One at a time of course.

Anyway, I love the way it looks but I kind of hate it.

It doesn't wash the best unless you rinse the dishes really really good.

I might as well just hand wash them.

Anyway, back to my bathroom story.

They started ripping out the shower and the drywall was falling apart in their hands.

It was wet and moldy and frankly was stinky.

No wonder that bathroom stunk all the time.

It took about a month but yesterday it was officially finished.

Here's the after pictures.

I loved the mirror when I bought it and thought it would go well with the little tiles with the squares on the side but I'm kinda not loving it in the bathroom.

It looks fine and I will keep it for a while until I find one I really love and decide to change it.

Right now, I have no money left to buy a mirror.

It feel and most importantly smells fresh and clean.

Jared seems to agree.

Now when people come over and have to use the bathroom, I won't be embarrassed

that they had to use the nastiest bathroom on the planet.

Next year is the ensuite.

Here's crossing our fingers that nothing else leaks so we can get that done.

Holy Moly!

The last few months have been so crazy busy!!

Yesterday, James' little sister got married and that was the last thing on our calender so hopefully, things will die down for a bit.

Just a few things today though.

Jared had his birthday and is very excited with the fact that he is 6.

So much that he informed me that now he's 6, he can do whatever he wants.

Long story short, he now knows he can't.

He had a superhero party and all the boys dressed up.

I had games and stuff for them but they just wanted to play superhero's all day so I let them.

It was fun and easy.

I thought the cake turned out awesome.

Now to the thing I'm sure all of you have been waiting for.

The update pictures on Lorelle after surgery.

She has been doing amazing. We went to the doctor on Tuesday and he said she looks great.

We don't have to go back for 6 months, which is a relief.

She still has blood buildup but its not affecting anything and it's normal.

We just give it time.

The pictures aren't the best.

Our camera isn't working so we took them on the iPad.

Oh and I don't believe in washing her face.

It's totally overrated.

This is before anything. I look at these pictures now and can't believe her cheek used to look like that. I never noticed it but now that it's almost not there, it's weird.

The day before her surgery.

This is what she looks like now.

You can see the ripples in her cheek.

That is the blood build up.

If you look close, you can see her scar. Its faint and red.

Look hard.

That is the update for now.

When things start to die down and maybe, hopefully, stop breaking down or leaking in my house, I will have time to sit. Let me tell you, all the house stuff is a whole long blog in itself.

Don't get me started!

pictures

Just thought I would post some pictures of Lorelle.

This is her today.

She wakes up more and more purple

and more and more yellow.

So some bruises are healing while others are appearing.

This experience was hard but amazing.

So many miracles.

It has taught me a lot about faith and perseverance

and to be truly grateful for everything.

I have a new appreciation for others, especially those whose experiences are more trying than ours. To them I express great love and admiration.

We are blessed to have this special little girl in our lives.

James wrote a blog just under this one if you haven't read it and

you are interested.

Daddy's Blog

Well, this is the first time I have blogged in my life, however I think it is a good think to write down my thoughts about Dina and I's little Lorelle and what has happened during the last 4 days.

First of all I have just a few things to note.

#1. My grammar and spelling is not very good so I apologize in advance.

#2. Those the experience is nothing like a few friends of our, who have suffered more, I do express my love and admiration for them.

#3. This record is probably more for me in the future so I hope this doesn't annoy anyone.

As many of you know 2 1/2 years ago a little girl was born by the name of Lorelle Ivy Henline, she was born with a birth mark which made her left cheek bigger then the other. We decided to go and see a specialist in Lethbridge. Upon going to she this doctor in Lethbridge she indicated that there was nothing we can do at this point. This of course annoyed Dina and I to no end.

Our thoughts were "...if they can separate twins why can't they help Lorelle with her cheek..." So we heard about the Alberta Childrens Hospital in Calgary and got a referral up there.

We were first visited by a few doctors which explained to us that this is more common then we think and that it is called Lymphatic Malformation (click on the like to find out more about it http://www.lymphnotes.com/article.php/id/250/)

Dr. U. Amendy. He wanted to try using what they call Scleral therapy. This is when they take a machine (x-ray machine) and a needle and take the fluid (or try to) from all the cysts and replace the fluid with a solution that agitates the cysts and shrinks them. They tried this 3 times of which Dr. Amendy was not pleased with the results.

We then had a meeting were referred to Dr. D. McPhalen a plastic surgeon. He was willing to go into surgery and see what they can do, this of course was the last resort because this would involve cutting the cheek open and taking the cysts, lympthnode and any fluid that was in out. This of course would be a more serious operation and would take 4 hours to 6 hours of operation.

After Dina and I thought, prayed etc. about this we decided that we should do this. Dr. McPhalen explained everything about the operation and what to expect which included the following:

1. Cheek to swell for a few days.

2. Stay at the hospital for three or more days depending on her recover.

3. 2 weeks recover

4. may need to operate again.

So we finally got a date (May 2nd, 2011) This of course was very bitter sweet. as this would test our ability to press forward and help our beautiful little Lorelle.

So the day came and we went to Calgary, the nurses did there pre-operation procedures. They then take us to a room where we wait until the operation room is ready to go, we are not able to go with Lorelle once the Nurse takes her. At this point I could only imagine what those good people out there that take their kids to get operated on for a life threating treatment and what their thoughts would be. Thought Lorelle was only going for a surgery that was not life threating at all the thought was always in my mind what if I do not see her again. This is the time where tears flow from my eyes as the nurse took Lorelle from Dina and I, I though we have experienced this when she had her Scleral Therapy, this time was a little different as she would come back physically different and I would miss that cheek, it was a part of her, it made her who she was. A few days before the operation I had a fear that she would get put under and leave Dina and I, the reason for the fear was when I was younger my Grandfather went into surgery to get his hip replaced, when they put him under he left this mortal stated to go home. My Fear was this would happen again, the night before she went into surgery I gave her a Priesthood blessing.

Now, I just want to explain something about my experience with Priesthood blessings. I hope it is okay to just mention something about them. They are a very emotional experience, Often times Brethren (myself included at times) will try to think of what they will say before the blessing is given in preparation for the blessing. My experience is that if one lives there life the way they should (this is a constant struggle that I have everyday) that this is the preparation you need and the Lord will fill your mouth by the Holy Ghost and it is a truly amazing experience. Obviously each person prepares differently but this is what I have found in my life.

Okay back on track. As I gave Lorelle a blessing the word and thought came to my mind were that she will be fine and that the operation will go smoothly and that no harm would come to her, she would recover quickly. This replaced the fear for me.

As she was taken and Dina and I shed a bunch of tears, 4 1/2 hours went by and we were asked to come in and be with her in the recovery room. She of course for the most part was sleeping, however did look at us and say a few words that were hard to understand to be quite honest.

As she was recovering and gained a little more consciousness, I would look into her eyes, This of course made my tear water again profusely. Her look was almost the look of "...why did you do this to me, can't you see the state that I am in..." as I talked to Dina about this she mentioned something to me that was very useful. Dina mentioned that "...we needed to do this as this is what we felt, and if we waited she would end up doing this in the future, we are helping her now so she doesn't have to do this later in life where it could be a lot harder for her and her body..."

On Tuesday I asked a brother in my Quorum who indicated to me that he might be in Calgary for work. He texted me and I asked him, he indicated that he was not able to make it as he was still at home. Dina had the immediate thought to call a good friend of there's that lived in Calgary to help give Lorelle and blessing of healing. This brother and friend came and I gave her a Priesthood blessing for healing. In the blessing it stated that her recovery would be quick and she would heal fast.

Guess how Lorelle was feeling the next day...100%, she was Lorelle, happy, adventurous, silly but most of all loving. Dr. McPhalen came in and could not believe how well she was doing, she was eating normal and her pain was not there. This I fell is a little miracle. Dr. McPhalen wanted her to stay one more night and the next morning he was so impressed we were released by 9:30 am.

As I got to stay in the Hospital with Lorelle the whole time, I had a lot of time to think. I have many things to be grateful for. They are as follows:

1. The blessing of doctors and living at a time where modern medicine is available to us.

2. To live in a country where I do not have to worry about a bill for this operation or anything else that Lorelle has had to go through. This is a huge blessing.

3. Probably the greatest blessing is my family and my wife. How life would be nothing with out my kids who lets face it can drive you nuts and crazy are truly the great blessings that we can received and that life is precious.

Well this is just a few things that I wanted to write down to remember. I hope I did not bore anyone. Thank you.

James