On Friday, I noticed Lorelle's cheek looked a little bigger. I didn't think much of it since her cheek grows as she grows so I thought it was doing just that. Well by the end of the day, it had doubled in size and was now hard and bruising. I thought maybe it was infected but she showed no signs that it was. Yesterday morning I called the Children's Hospital and told them what was going on. They called me back and told me we had an appointment first thing in the morning. So off to Calgary we went.
Her cysts filled up with fluid and blood (that is why they are hard and look bruised). She has to have an ultrasound to determine if it one big one or lots of smaller ones. After we know, we can discuss our options with it, since there are different options for either outcome. I have to go back up next week so they can monitor it, then back for the ultrasound, then back up for options and monitoring, then back up for the action of which option chosen, then back up for follow ups etc etc etc.......
So this is where I confess. Confess that I am scared, that I cry (when she was first born, it was almost daily), that I wish I could just take it away and it never happened. I'm scared every time I take her to the hospital and I cry every time. I hate watching her go through it all. I hate thinking about her when she is older and people teasing her or her having low self esteem because of it. Then I feel guilty. I should be grateful. Grateful that she is healthy, grateful that she is here and grateful that they are able to help her.
I thank the Lord every day for her. She is such a special little girl. I have been saying it since she was born. There has always been something in her eyes, that even when she was really little, when she would look at me, it was like she was staring into my soul. She would smile and at the instant, I knew that she knew exactly who I was, where she was and what was going on. I can't really explain it but I know I am not the only one who has seen it.
I act strong on the outside but I feel like a mess on the inside. It too will pass and then it will just be what it is and you deal and move on. The Lord knew that she could handle it and that I was the mom she needed. It does make me sad and breaks me heart especially when she is screaming as they are trying to help her and I can't do anything about it and she doesn't understand. Maybe her cheek growing was a blessing in disguise and they will be able to remove them without damaging any nerves. Who knows. All I know is what I feel and that the Lord knows how I feel, that He hears me and answers me and right now that is all I need.
10 comments:
aw Dina! I'm so sorry, that can't be easy at all. You seem like such an awesome mom and she is lucky to have you. I hope everything works out ok for her and they can help her. And like you said maybe it'll be better that this happened in the end.
*Hugs*
Little D, let me know when her appt's are and if I can, I'll come hang with you if you want. Hugs :)
:(
I look at the minor things my kids go through and my heart breaks for them.. you are a good mom and lorelle is blessed to have a loving supportive family! We will keep you all in our prayers and hope that they can get her cheek fixed.
Stay strong.. sometimes being a mom is just hard.
Awwww, little PeeWee!!! I am sure it is so hard to see her go through so much pain. I hate even taking Blake to the Dr. for a flu shot!!!
Way to be grateful to even have her at all! She is a cute little sweetheart!
Good luck with everything!
I am glad I read your blog this morning, I saw on FB what you were doing yesterday but I just thought it was a routine check up. I am so sorry you are going through this. You are so strong, and she is so blessed to have you as a mom. Your strength will pull you through this. I will pray that the roads are better for you. Keep the faith. Lots of love from up North.
Shmina, you can cry, crying does not mean weakness, it just means you have a heart, It also helps with the dealing process. She really is specail and you can see it, and she is adorable not matter what her cheek is doing. ALl will be well, she has lots of people who love her and for now, that is all she knows and all she needs to know.
YOu are a good mom.
Sweet little 'Relley Belly. That little girl has a huge spirit! I'm sorry that you have to have this trial in your life. It is hard to be a Mom especially when our kids struggle because we struggle right along with them all the time trying to be brave for them too. If there's ANYTHING I can do call me!
Hang in there Dina! You can do this. Itis not an easy road, but not only are you not alone, but as you all go through this, there will be blessing along the way to.
I couldn't help it - i cried when I read your blog. I've been doing that a lot today. I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say, all you want to do is fix it but you can't. You're an amazing Mom, and I hope things go well with her appointments.
I remember the day the specialist told us our 12 month old baby was in partial kidney failure, the options, the risks, and the wait.
When the doctors and nurses poked and prodded him and he screamed I stood there so nice and Mommy like calming him, assuring the nurses they were doing great...I was so proud of my self control till I went to grab some lunch from the cafeteria and ran into a girlfriend from high school days. All she had to ask how things were...and I LOST it...she said the most important words I needed to hear, 'Cryng for our children doesn't mean you are weak, it only means you are human.' We got through those trials and you will both get through hers.
God bless you.
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